The other day my daughter asked me a question that many people are asked or ask themselves. Her question was, "If you could go back and change things, would you?". My answer, as has always been my answer, is no. The events of the past have brought me to where I am now and made me who I am today. I am very happy with where I am in life and who I am.
As I thought a little bit more though about the question, I rephrased it in my mind to this, "If you were 20 and knew everything that would happen to you by the time you were 50, would your 20 year old self change anything?". If I were honest with myself, I would have to answer with a resounding YES. My 50 year old self today would not change the past, but my 20 year old self would change the future. Let me explain.
When I was 20, I was pretty much in control of my life. I was nearing the end of college and preparing for my future in systems development. I am sure to the outside world that I appeared to be confident and sure of my path, but the truth is that I really wasn't. What had happened to me is that I had been living my life for everyone except me. This was due, I believe today as a 50+ year old man, in large part as a means of not to having to deal with the emotional rollercoaster that was a large part of my childhood. In other words, I was a people pleaser, because then I would not make anyone mad or start a huge fight or dissention in the family. As a result, I left my own desires and emotions pushed deep into a box and did the things I was "supposed" to do.
Honestly, It wasn't until I was reaching my late 30s that I started to realize that I was not truly in touch with myself in many ways. I did not have any true depth to my emotions. I did not truly recognize my inner desires and inner thoughts. As I started on this path of self actualization, I also realized that there were some things that needed to change. These changes caused pain, but in the way that a cancer sometimes needs to be cut out of your body so that you can heal, I too needed to cut some things out of my life to correct the course that my life had taken. Over the next few years, I made those changes. It was not always easy - in fact, at times it was downright painful because now it was no longer just me that was impacted. Looking back, I realize that I made the right choices, in spite of the painful moments.
If my 20 year old self could see these things and have the knowledge and the means to correct this long before I reached my 30s and 40s, then I would most definitely have done it. Would it mean my life would be drastically different? I think it would. Would it mean that I would not have to struggle or face difficult situations? No, I would still have challenges to face. Would it mean my family and friends might be significantly different? Probably so. Yet, would I still change the future when I was 20, if I had the knowledge of what my life would end up like on one particular path? Yes. If I could get to the place where I am today sooner and with less hardship, then I would jump at that chance. There would be much that would change and there would be much that would be the same, but then that is what life is all about. Choices and Change.
It is a strange thought to realize that if you had the power to change the future, then you really would do it. I can imagine that many people would not do it, they simply would not be ready or willing to face and unknown alternative to a life they already knew would happen. So I wonder, if more people are out there that think the same thing?
Of course, if my 50 years old self could know the things that my 80 year old self will know, would I do something now to change the future? Perhaps I would, but then again, maybe the future is even better than today, so maybe not. The only thing I can do now is live the best life I can and make each day better than the last. I think I just found a new credo.
You are invited play in my playground. Leave a comment, even if it is an opposing opinion, but play nice.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Monday, May 12, 2014
The Kiss Heard Around the World
Saturday night (actually Sunday Morning) as I was going to bed after a long day of early Mother's Day celebration, I received saw a news update on my phone announcing Michael Sam being the first openly gay man drafted into the NFL. Pretty cool news that I really thought nothing about.
Sunday morning,after about 6 hours of sleep, I get on my computer and start checking my regular News outlets. To my surprise, most of them have this:
Just to be clear about something here, I am a gay man. This photo does not bother me in the least bit. What I do find interesting is that this photo is splashed all over so many websites - not a photo of Michael on the phone getting the confirmation, not a photo of him and his family celebrating, but a photo of him and his boyfriend caught up in a whirlwind of raw emotions, celebrating a great moment for them both.
What I want to know though, is why this picture? Is it still so shocking to see a man kiss another man in 2014? I think it is great that an openly gay man was drafted into the NFL and it is a glass ceiling busting moment, but again - why is this picture so shocking to so many people? So let's be honest about 2 things here - 1) if Michael was kissing a woman, it would not have been published and 2) if Michael was with a woman, his 7th round pick for the Rams would not have been a big deal at all - it would have been a ho hum, good for him reaction from many people. Can anyone give me the name of any other 7th round pick?
So today (Monday, if you are keeping track), the negative reactions are making the headlines. A Dolphins player has been suspended and fined. An ex NFL player has tweeted his negative reaction. Even Donald Trump has managed to weigh in on this event (Does anyone really care what Donald Trump thinks?). These people are fools. Why do they insist on making their opinions known, especially given the publicity this is receiving now? They have every right to their opinion, but they have to know they will get blasted with the wave of favor Michael is receiving right now. Wouldn't it be better for them if they just kept it to themselves? Then again, I am out here expressing my opinion, so maybe it is a good thing they are as well so that we know for sure who the bigots and homophobes truly are.
I wish Michael all the success in the world. It is a challenging profession he has chosen and he must still prove himself worthy of the team and the league. I wish him and his boyfriend all the happiness that can come from love and hope they have a long and wonderful relationship. If I could, I would personally congratulate Michael on being a leader and breaking through some strong barriers in a manner similar to many others in the past. We in the gay community need Michael and others like him (Jason Collins, Tom Daley, and more) to show us that progress is being made - ground is being taken, and true equality is closer than ever before. I hope Michael and his boyfriend keep on kissing whenever a camera is in their vicinity, so maybe people will finally get over it and realize that gay men do kiss - and they do kiss men.
You are invited play in my playground. Leave a comment, even if it is an opposing opinion, but play nice.
Sunday morning,after about 6 hours of sleep, I get on my computer and start checking my regular News outlets. To my surprise, most of them have this:
Just to be clear about something here, I am a gay man. This photo does not bother me in the least bit. What I do find interesting is that this photo is splashed all over so many websites - not a photo of Michael on the phone getting the confirmation, not a photo of him and his family celebrating, but a photo of him and his boyfriend caught up in a whirlwind of raw emotions, celebrating a great moment for them both.
What I want to know though, is why this picture? Is it still so shocking to see a man kiss another man in 2014? I think it is great that an openly gay man was drafted into the NFL and it is a glass ceiling busting moment, but again - why is this picture so shocking to so many people? So let's be honest about 2 things here - 1) if Michael was kissing a woman, it would not have been published and 2) if Michael was with a woman, his 7th round pick for the Rams would not have been a big deal at all - it would have been a ho hum, good for him reaction from many people. Can anyone give me the name of any other 7th round pick?
So today (Monday, if you are keeping track), the negative reactions are making the headlines. A Dolphins player has been suspended and fined. An ex NFL player has tweeted his negative reaction. Even Donald Trump has managed to weigh in on this event (Does anyone really care what Donald Trump thinks?). These people are fools. Why do they insist on making their opinions known, especially given the publicity this is receiving now? They have every right to their opinion, but they have to know they will get blasted with the wave of favor Michael is receiving right now. Wouldn't it be better for them if they just kept it to themselves? Then again, I am out here expressing my opinion, so maybe it is a good thing they are as well so that we know for sure who the bigots and homophobes truly are.
I wish Michael all the success in the world. It is a challenging profession he has chosen and he must still prove himself worthy of the team and the league. I wish him and his boyfriend all the happiness that can come from love and hope they have a long and wonderful relationship. If I could, I would personally congratulate Michael on being a leader and breaking through some strong barriers in a manner similar to many others in the past. We in the gay community need Michael and others like him (Jason Collins, Tom Daley, and more) to show us that progress is being made - ground is being taken, and true equality is closer than ever before. I hope Michael and his boyfriend keep on kissing whenever a camera is in their vicinity, so maybe people will finally get over it and realize that gay men do kiss - and they do kiss men.
You are invited play in my playground. Leave a comment, even if it is an opposing opinion, but play nice.
Strong Gust of Wind
Well it seems I have been very lax in doing ANYTHING with this blog. No longer!! I am blowing the virtual dust of this blog, shining it up and putting it back into use. Also going to see what I can do about more customization and adding some bells and whistles. Finally, I will be making the jump (hopefully) to social media as well. Curious to see how this goes, but it is time. Time to care less about what others think and just put it all out there. Like it says in the title, this is my playground - time to have some fun.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)