I am not a racist...but I am a stereotypist

This is a very difficult thing to write about. There are landmines all around that could make me seem like a really bad person, but here it goes.

What do you think about when you think of a black person? A preference for certain foods? A certain way of talking or words used in speech? A certain income level?

What do you think about when you think of a Hispanic person? A preference for certain foods? A certain way of talking or words used in speech? A certain income level?

Does the same apply to women vs. men? Certain attitudes? Certain ways of doing things? More or less emotional? Stronger or weaker?

 I have to admit. When it comes to viewing people who are different from me, I do have a tendency to place certain stereotypes on them. I believe that most people, when they meet someone for the first time, naturally will start to make impressions about a person based on people they have met in the past with have similar traits. For instance, if I told you about a person and let it be known that this person is a soldier, what would you think about them? First things that come to my mind are that they are very regimented in their actions, perhaps stern in attitude, not too emotional, probably fit and likely prefer a certain amount of order in their lives. My initial assumptions are based on a few things – soldiers I have known, media portrayal of soldiers and things other people have said about soldiers. While my assumptions may be spot on or totally miss the mark, in no way are they bad – as long as I realize that my assumptions may not be correct to start with, but are based solely on previous experiences in MY life. When I actually get to meet and know the person, I may discover that this person has very few of the stereotypes that I was expecting – and I need to be open to that.

What if I had a family member, say father, mother or sibling, who had been killed by a soldier? I would dare say that I could have the idea that all soldiers were merely killing machines with no humanity and no remorse for what they did. I dare to say my assumption would be wrong.

Applying the same thought processes to people of a different race, it is very easy to stereotype someone based on the color of their skin. Even white people can be stereotyped – no rhythm, egotistical, not as athletic, etc.. It is the natural tendency of a person to try and understand new things or people based upon what they already know – but is this racist?

In the purest sense of the word, by definition, this stereotyping of people is not racist. Racist thoughts/actions imply some sense of superiority of one race over another. Most often, stereotyped portrayals of people do not carry with it any sense of one race being superior or inferior to another race. Even so, it is a very easy line to cross and the boundaries cannot always seem very clear, and to some people ANY stereotyping or categorizing of a person base on their race is a form of racism.

As an example, if I assume that a particular person does not have as much money as me based solely on the color of their skin, then I would think I am really pushing the edge of that boundary if I have not indeed crossed over the line. If I am honest with myself, I would have to admit that I have crossed that line on occasion – not with any malicious intent or desire to set myself as superior to another, but out of a natural tendency to get an understanding about a person. I am reminded of movies that we have all seen where the rich person will disguise themselves as an average or even a poor person and ultimately discovers the truth about what people think of them as well as what they misunderstand about people who are not rich. The important thing to keep in mind is that each person is an individual with life experiences that are uniquely their own and most likely they will have many traits that differ from the stereotypes we want to place on them.

So when it comes to race, there are many people who would state that ANY form of stereotyping, malicious or not, is a form of racism. There are others who say you really have to know a person’s heart before you can call them a racist. To be honest, I probably lie somewhere in between the two opinions. There are probably times when a person does enter into the realm of racism, be it intentional or not, and there are probably times when someone is accused of being racist when they are actually not, but may be riding really close to that line.

It seems many in society today are very quick to call someone a racist. I have often anticipated this myself and have been ready with my reply – how can I be racist when I have a black daughter? On the other hand, I have seen many news reports that are disturbing because they show that racism is very much alive and active, whether or not we want to admit it.

As my daughter enters her senior year of high school, I am concerned about racism that will be applied to her simply based on the color of her skin. I am concerned about jobs that she could be passed over, how people will treat her if they don’t know she has a white father (or because she does) and other stereotypes that could be applied to her outside of the “safety” of my home. I am concerned about her personal safety as well. Could she be attacked by a group of people solely based on the color of her skin? Unfortunately the answer is yes.

So are there any answers to the problem of racism vs stereotyping? I think there is not a clear, one sentence answer that can be given, but there are some things to do that may help.

·        Recognize stereotyping or racism within yourself. Be honest and admit it (to yourself) when you are attempting to categorize someone based on their skin color, religion, sexual orientation, gender, country they are from, etc..

·         Attempt to push past the social or personal stereotypes. Get to know a person and their situation in life without judging them and without pushing your own experiences on them. Appreciate what they have been through and how those experiences make them valuable.

·         Be open to people who are different from you. There are many great experiences to be gained and different perspectives on life to be learned. Too often we tend to stick with people we are most like, but when we take the chance to get to know someone who is different from ourselves, then we grow as well.

·        Be vigilant to stop true racism. Racism comes in many forms and any way in which is portrayed is wrong. When someone is accused of being racist, I am not so quick to judge, but I want to examine – as much as is possible – their full opinions and history before making this accusation. Even so, when it is clearly racism, then work to stop it.

·        Realize that people make mistakes. It is true. Most of us at some time or another have ventured into the waters of racism – either intentionally or not. When someone does and recognizes it, be willing to forgive them and applaud them for making a change away from that.

·         Eliminate inflammatory words and thoughts from yourself. Stop telling jokes based on race or other stereotypes. Change your thoughts when you realize you have them. Realize that not only black people like fried chicken – I like fried chicken too!!

·        Find commonality. Instead of distinguishing how a person is different from you, find the ways in which are similar. Food interests, religious interests, music, recreational interests, etc.. I have a black friend who I play cards with on a weekly basis. We have bonded over the fact that we have the same last name and although there is no likelihood at all that we are related to each other, we each call the other our brother because of our common last name.

I am sure there are more ways to combat racism and stereotyping. Just spend some time thinking about it and you can come up with more.


I wonder what other people think about racism or stereotyping. You are invited play in my playground but leaving a comment on your thoughts. Leave a comment, even if it is an opposing opinion, but play nice.  

People We Need To Stop Paying Attention To

There are a lot of people who get a lot of publicity these days. Unfortunately, for the common person, most of what these people have to say is pretty much useless. In fact, I would go so far as to say that we really need to stop paying so much attention to these people and start thinking and doing for ourselves. Here are a few nominees I have selected as People To Stop Paying Attention To.

First up, Bryan Fischer. If you don't know who Bryan Fischer is, he is the Director of Issues Analysis for the American Family Association. Bryan hosts a radio program in conjunction with his job at AFA and posts on the AFA blog. Bryan is well known for making outlandish and often untrue statements on his radio program. His targets are generally abortion, gay adoption, same sex marriage and national health care. His comments have caused the Southern Poverty Law Center to classify the AFA as a hate group. Fischer's comments are easy to find simply because of their outlandish and untrue nature. I believe Fischer thinks of himself as a leader and inspiration to many people, but my view is that he only leads those that don't want to think for themselves and are willing to be led around by a ring in their nose.

Next, Sarah Palin.

Sarah was pretty much unknown by most of Americans until she was tapped as Vice President running mate to John McCain's Presidential campaign in 2008. As Governor of Alaska at the time, Sarah came across as witty and savvy. A no-nonsense, down-to-earth, wholesome mom who, as a woman, could lend some fresh ideas and much needed umph to the Republican ticket. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you view it), Palin was quickly exposed as inadequate to assume the role of Vice President. Her missteps with the media were mocked and used as fodder for comedians across the country. What is astounding is that Sarah Palin still enjoys some significant amount of the public spotlight - in which she continues to make outlandish comments on public issues of the day. Conservative thinking people seem to love her, but for the rest of the country Sarah is a disaster. Why are we still hearing from this woman 6 years after the failed campaign?

Most recently, Donald Sterling.

How this man has continued to get by with the things he says and does is beyond me. In case you have been living under a rock, Sterling is the current owner of the Clippers NBA franchise. He has made racist comments regarding his team and has been told by the NBA that he must sell the team (which he is fighting). Many people argue that Sterling's comments were recorded during a private conversation and therefore he should not be held to the same level of scrutiny. Even so, prior to and after this conversation, Sterling has made racist comments in public. He was fined for not renting out his properties to minorities (blacks in particular) - discriminating against them in the most basic of life pursuits. The fact that Donald continues to make these comments and have these beliefs without public backlash is astounding. Just because he has truckloads of money, it does not give him the right to discriminate against anyone.

Speaking of money, let's talk Kardashian - the whole clan (yes that includes the Jenner girls).

How this family rose to fame is a mystery to me. Besides flashing their bodies and intentionally exposing themselves, what value do these people bring to the average person. They spend money as if it was water pouring from the tap. They portray themselves on television as this incredible family that anyone would want to be part of - um, not me!! All the while Americans are buying their overpriced clothing, perfume and other branded items by the millions. I don't get it - what is the draw this family has? They are superficial (at least on television) and unrealistic. Their life is a fantasy for most people. It is great for them, but really unattainable for the average person. Some of us have to work really hard to get the things we have in this world. I will leave it at that.

Finally - one for the younger generation - Justin Bieber.

This once "cute" (I use the term loosely) kid and YouTube sensation turned music star has milked the heartstrings of millions of young girls, so called Beliebers, and the purse strings of their mothers. In the recent months/years though, Justin has displayed behaviors more akin to a spoiled brat than an adult man. These behaviors include public urination, suspected vandalism, street racing, intoxicated driving and suspected drug usage. Recently he was blasted for making a racist joke that included the N word, for which he has had to apologize. There have even been petitions demanding that Justin be deported back to Canada, but the US government has refused this demand (for now).

That is a short list of people we need to stop giving our attention to. I am sure there are more. Many more. Leave a comment and tell me if you agree or disagree - or tell me who you would add to this list.

As always, you are invited to play in my playground - as long as you play nice.

Back To The Future

The other day my daughter asked me a question that many people are asked or ask themselves. Her question was, "If you could go back and change things, would you?". My answer, as has always been my answer, is no. The events of the past have brought me to where I am now and made me who I am today. I am very happy with where I am in life and who I am.

As I thought a little bit more though about the question, I rephrased it in my mind to this, "If you were 20 and knew everything that would happen to you by the time you were 50, would your 20 year old self change anything?". If I were honest with myself, I would have to answer with a resounding YES. My 50 year old self today would not change the past, but my 20 year old self would change the future. Let me explain.

When I was 20, I was pretty much in control of my life. I was nearing the end of college and preparing for my future in systems development. I am sure to the outside world that I appeared to be confident and sure of my path, but the truth is that I really wasn't. What had happened to me is that I had been living my life for everyone except me. This was due, I believe today as a 50+ year old man, in large part as a means of not to having to deal with the emotional rollercoaster that was a large part of my childhood. In other words, I was a people pleaser, because then I would not make anyone mad or start a huge fight or dissention in the family. As a result, I left my own desires and emotions pushed deep into a box and did the things I was "supposed" to do.

Honestly, It wasn't until I was reaching my late 30s that I started to realize that I was not truly in touch with myself in many ways. I did not have any true depth to my emotions. I did not truly recognize my inner desires and inner thoughts. As I started on this path of self actualization, I also realized that there were some things that needed to change. These changes caused pain, but in the way that a cancer sometimes needs to be cut out of your body so that you can heal, I too needed to cut some things out of my life to correct the course that my life had taken. Over the next few years, I made those changes. It was not always easy - in fact, at times it was downright painful because now it was no longer just me that was impacted. Looking back, I realize that I made the right choices, in spite of the painful moments.

If my 20 year old self could see these things and have the knowledge and the means to correct this long before I reached my 30s and 40s, then I would most definitely have done it. Would it mean my life would be drastically different? I think it would. Would it mean that I would not have to struggle or face difficult situations? No, I would still have challenges to face. Would it mean my family and friends might be significantly different? Probably so. Yet, would I still change the future when I was 20, if I had the knowledge of what my life would end up like on one particular path? Yes. If I could get to the place where I am today sooner and with less hardship, then I would jump at that chance. There would be much that would change and there would be much that would be the same, but then that is what life is all about. Choices and Change.

It is a strange thought to realize that if you had the power to change the future, then you really would do it. I can imagine that many people would not do it, they simply would not be ready or willing to face and unknown alternative to a life they already knew would happen. So I wonder, if more people are out there that think the same thing?

Of course, if my 50 years old self could know the things that my 80 year old self will know, would I do something now to change the future? Perhaps I would, but then again, maybe the future is even better than today, so maybe not. The only thing I can do now is live the best life I can and make each day better than the last. I think I just found a new credo. 

You are invited play in my playground. Leave a comment, even if it is an opposing opinion, but play nice.

The Kiss Heard Around the World

Saturday night (actually Sunday Morning) as I was going to bed after a long day of early Mother's Day celebration, I received saw a news update on my phone announcing Michael Sam being the first openly gay man drafted into the NFL. Pretty cool news that I really thought nothing about.

Sunday morning,after about 6 hours of sleep, I get on my computer and start checking my regular News outlets. To my surprise, most of them have this:

Just to be clear about something here, I am a gay man. This photo does not bother me in the least bit. What I do find interesting is that this photo is splashed all over so many websites - not a photo of Michael on the phone getting the confirmation, not a photo of him and his family celebrating, but a photo of him and his boyfriend caught up in a whirlwind of raw emotions, celebrating a great moment for them both.

What I want to know though, is why this picture? Is it still so shocking to see a man kiss another man in 2014? I think it is great that an openly gay man was drafted into the NFL and it is a glass ceiling busting moment, but again - why is this picture so shocking to so many people? So let's be honest about 2 things here - 1) if Michael was kissing a woman, it would not have been published and 2) if Michael was with a woman, his 7th round pick for the Rams would not have been a big deal at all - it would have been a ho hum, good for him reaction from many people. Can anyone give me the name of any other 7th round pick?

So today (Monday, if you are keeping track), the negative reactions are making the headlines. A Dolphins player has been suspended and fined. An ex NFL player has tweeted his negative reaction. Even Donald Trump has managed to weigh in on this event (Does anyone really care what Donald Trump thinks?). These people are fools. Why do they insist on making their opinions known, especially given the publicity this is receiving now? They have every right to their opinion, but they have to know they will get blasted with the wave of favor Michael is receiving right now. Wouldn't it be better for them if they just kept it to themselves? Then again, I am out here expressing my opinion, so maybe it is a good thing they are as well so that we know for sure who the bigots and homophobes truly are.

I wish Michael all the success in the world. It is a challenging profession he has chosen and he must still prove himself worthy of the team and the league. I wish him and his boyfriend all the happiness that can come from love and hope they have a long and wonderful relationship. If I could, I would personally congratulate Michael on being a leader and breaking through some strong barriers in a manner similar to many others in the past. We in the gay community need Michael and others like him (Jason Collins, Tom Daley, and more) to show us that progress is being made - ground is being taken, and true equality is closer than ever before. I hope Michael and his boyfriend keep on kissing whenever a camera is in their vicinity, so maybe people will finally get over it and realize that gay men do kiss - and they do kiss men.

You are invited play in my playground. Leave a comment, even if it is an opposing opinion, but play nice.

Strong Gust of Wind

Well it seems I have been very lax in doing ANYTHING with this blog. No longer!! I am blowing the virtual dust of this blog, shining it up and putting it back into use. Also going to see what I can do about more customization and adding some bells and whistles. Finally, I will be making the jump (hopefully) to social media as well. Curious to see how this goes, but it is time. Time to care less about what others think and just put it all out there. Like it says in the title, this is my playground - time to have some fun.

Chairbound

Yesterday I was walking through a hotel when a guy in a wheelchair stopped me to ask me where the skywalk was. The man was in one of those low to the ground wheelchairs with the wheels slanted - sort of like a racer's wheelchair. He was also pushing in front of him another wheelchair. This wheelchair was different from the chair he was using. The wheels did not have spokes, but were solid and there was a third wheel resting on top of the chair. It also had a bumper around the base of the chair. I pointed down to corridor that he was heading toward the skywalk. A moment later, another man similarly equipped was following him.

As I left the hotel, I traveled in the same direction as the two wheelchair bound men. They had made it to the skywalk, but the door that was controlled by the automated controls would not work. This time I offered my help. I managed to get the door open and functioning on the automatic controls and as I traversed the skywalk, I opened the doors at the other end.

Interestingly though, this section of the skywalk has a slight incline to it. As a fully abled walker, I had no difficulty making it from one end to the other of the skywalk. The two men in wheelchairs did not find it so easy. Their task required using their hands and arms to maneuver themselves and another wheelchair up the incline. Gravity, of course, fought against them the entire way. Both men pushed hard on the wheels of their chairs while positioning the chair in front of them to lead it foward and up the incline. It was a short distance of 30-40 feet, but what took me only seconds to travel required a couple minutes for these men.

I wondered if I should help in some way. I had already opened the doors for these guys and now I questioned in my mind if there was something else I could do. In the end I decided that these men were rather independent and if they needed anything they would ask. As they reached the end of the skywalk and more level ground, I asked if they needed assistance with anything else. They replied with a simple "No" and that was fine - I went on my way.

I later found out that these guys were participating in a wheelchair basketball tournament. I thought quite a bit about these men and their challenge to get around, but also about their ability to adjust and overcome. I would have liked to sit down with them some and learn more about them, so that I didn't just see the wheelchairs, but saw more of the people. It would have been a good conversation I think.

Its All Greek To Me

What the hell is up with Greece? Every day it seems that country is on the verge of bankruptcy and financial ruin. What I wonder is - what happens if they really do go under? Does another country come in and take over? Do the banks come into Athens and seize the Parthanon? Just what does it mean?

I suspect the Greeks themselves will be pretty pissed off. What will they get from their government - no roads, schools, jobless benefits, medical, subsidies? I know if the US ever declared bankruptcy, I would be pissed off. I would do all I could to eliminate every elected official who let it happen. The US gov't and the US people have an inconceivable economy. Our daily commerce is unfathomable. What if that were to suddenly stop?

Personally, I like going to work and making money. Sure, if I could make money and not work, that would be better, but I am content with doing my part and making what I can from it. I really cannot imagine what it would be like if all of us suddenly stopped working and our economy just ground to a halt.

Come on Greeks! Get your act together. Quit messing with my stocks! Get off your butts and find real solutions to your problems.